


why my gods look like you

by Theoroark



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Getting Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 23:37:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21127130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theoroark/pseuds/Theoroark
Summary: Jester reflecting on her beliefs and her new girlfriend.





	why my gods look like you

Soon after Jester had told The Traveler about Beau, he had said, “You surprise me. I wouldn’t have thought she was your type.”

Jester frowned. “She’s very pretty?”

“That’s not what I meant,” he said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “That’s not surprising. She’s just very…” He tapped his long fingers together. Jester didn’t think she’d seen him at a loss for words before. “...orderly,” he said, finally.

“Beau’s super rebellious,” Jester informed him. “She hates authority figures. She talks about toppling corrupt rulers a lot. She’s like, totally chaotic.” 

“Yes,” The Traveler said. “She is. In a very orderly way.”

Jester had stuck her tongue out at him, and he had laughed and changed the subject. But Jester kept thinking about what he had said. She trusted The Traveler, about most things. But she didn’t think he was right about this. Maybe Beau didn’t surprise him. But she had surprised her.

The night they got together, they were climbing the tree on top of the Xhorhaus. Beau could just run up the side of the damn thing but she climbed with Jester instead. “It’s more fun this way,” she had said, but Jester saw how Beau watched her out of the corner of her eye, remember how the last time they had climbed a tree like, Beau had tried her damnedest to save her. She still shook a little. But Jester climbed much faster, knowing Beau would catch her if she stumbled.

“Thanks,” Jester had said, when they got to a suitably sturdy branch. Beau didn’t meet her eyes.

“What’re you thanking me for?”

“You knew I was scared. Thanks.” Jester laughed self consciously. Beau was watching her now. “I know I was being stupid.”

“Jessie,” Beau said. “There have been like… a stupid number of times when I’ve been scared shitless by something and I’ve turned around and you were completely calm. And you saved my ass, those times. We’re all scared of shit, right?” She smiled at Jester. “We just get each others’ backs, on that shit.”

Jester smiled back at her. Beau looked away again, out at the eternal night of Rosohna. Jester did too.

Whatever magic the den mages used always makes the stars twinkle especially brightly but up here, the glowing windows and streetlamps across the city gave the sky a run for its money. The lights stretched out a dizzying distance, before they were completely quenched by the Ghostlands. It reminded Jester of staring out her window at the lights and ocean of the Nicodranas. But she wasn’t a little girl stuck in her room, alternately longing or resentful or angry or self-pitying. She was a warrior of the Traveler. She was seeing this because she had climbed up a tree, and Beau was at her side. She could do anything.

“It’s beautiful,” Beau said. Jester laughed. “What?”

“Nothing, it’s– nothing.” Beau narrowed her eyes and Jester decided to cede to the barrage of questions before they began. “Remember that scene in _ Tusk Love _? Where the Oskar gave Guinevere the diamond necklace?”

“No. I never read that thing.”

“Oh. Well, Guinevere goes, ‘It’s beautiful!’ and Oskar goes, ‘No, _ you’re _ beautiful’ and like…”

Beau had a dubious smile on her face. Jester tucked her hair behind her ear, embarrassed. “You’re beautiful, is what I meant to say.”

“So are you.”

“No, you are,” she mumbled.

Beau put a hand on her cheek and said, “That’s not how this works, Jes.” Jester had looked up to ask her what she meant and then Beau had kissed her.

It was her first kiss, her first real one anyway. That night it had finally occurred to Jester to worry that she hadn’t done it right. But Beau had been there, and Beau always had her back, always covered her blind spots. In the moment, Jester had been surprised. And right on the heels of the shock was the dawning realization that she was quite stupid for being shocked, this was, after all, almost a scene from one Caleb’s books, it was fairly ridiculous that she had not seen this coming at all. When they broke apart, Jester laughed. 

Beau must not have seen the humor in it, because her face went all hurt, and then it went a stony neutral. Jester couldn’t decide which was worse. And so she kissed Beau again, desperately hoping she could change her expression again. After a moment of surprise, Beau kissed her back.

No one else seemed overly surprised. Jester was never quite sure kissing would ever be entirely her thing but having Beau there to lean on and hold on to always would be, and Beau shifting her so she was sitting on her lap, her strong arms wrapped around her waist, very much was. It was a small house, word traveled fast. Soon after that night, Yasha had silently walked up to her and offered her a fist bump. Caleb quickly took to suddenly and awkwardly walking out of the room when they sat on a couch together. Caduceus offered to teach her how to grow blue violets. They were Beau’s favorite flower, he told her.

No one else had been surprised they had gotten together, but Jester had been. Because falling in love with your best friend was a funny thing. Jester supposed it wasn’t not too odd that The Traveler couldn’t see the humor in it. But it was there. Beau made her laugh when she would dress down some pompous official who treated them like little girls. Beau made her laugh when she would frown and fuss with the hairstyle or dress Jester had picked out for her, as if she wasn’t impossibly beautiful in it. Beau made her laugh when she would reach over and tuck a bit of hair behind Jester’s ear and steal all of Jester’s words, so only giggling remained. 

Beau was a seed of chaos of joy in her life. Beau was a tree branch Jester could hold on to in the middle of this uncertainty and this war, and trust it wouldn’t break. Beau was everything The Traveler had promised her. It was good to know she could still get one over on him like that, still surprise him.

When Jester told Beau what The Traveler had said, she expected Beau to laugh. But Beau surprised her. She frowned and said, “So wait he’s like… watching you? All the time?”

“No,” Jester said. “I–” _ –told him _, was about to follow, but then she remembered The Traveler’s smile and “I know” when she broke the news. Jester frowned. “I don’t think he’s watching me all the time.”

“But he’s watching you sometimes, right? So like… when we hook up, is he…” 

Jester covered her ears and fell sideways onto the bed. She ignored Beau’s shoulder kisses and muffled, consoling words.

Sometimes Beau surprised her in the absolute worst ways.

**Author's Note:**

> Jester Is An Ace Lesbian And You Can't Change My Mind.
> 
> I'm [@tacticalgrandma](https://twitter.com/tacticalgrandma) on twitter if you want to talk to me there!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and any comments/kudos would mean the world <3


End file.
